Where Fools Fear to Tread — Visiting Portmerion, Wales

Back in June, I visited Wales for the first time. I took the train to Portmerion. For the uninitiated, here’s what Wikipedia has to say:

Portmeirion (/pɔːrtˈmɛriən/;[1] Welsh pronunciation: [pɔrtˈmei̯rjɔn]) is a folly[2] tourist village in Gwynedd, North Wales. It lies on the estuary of the River Dwyryd in the community of Penrhyndeudraeth, 2 miles (3.2 km) from Porthmadog and 1 mile (1.6 km) from Minffordd railway station. Portmeirion was designed and built by Sir Clough Williams-Ellis between 1925 and 1975 in the Baroque style and is now owned by a charitable trust.

My reason for visiting was because I am a massive fan of the 1960s television series, The Prisoner. If you’ve not seen it, The Prisoner is a show absolutely steeped in British psychedelia and the super spy subgenre. There’s a feeling of constantly being gaslit by smiling townsfolk. It is surreal, unsettling, and disorienting. On the one hand, villagers are provided free room, board, and credits to spend in the village. The villagers themselves are an international bunch and often highly attractive. There are organized activities. There are lava lamps, board games, and no cars. It looks a bit like a very stylish retirement community. On the other hand, villagers are subjected to a constant diet of light music, propaganda, and mind-rotting drugs. If you don’t give them what they want, they might kill you. And if you try to leave for any reason, you’ll be swallowed by a balloon – which, from all appearances, is less pleasant than swallowing a balloon.

I first came toThe Prisoner as a teenager when it was being rerun on the Sci-Fi Channel in 1992. My brother got to it first – or it got to him. I don’t know how many episodes he’d seen but he didn’t seem capable of explaining it. There was a giant white balloon that chased people. Everyone was identified by a nametag with a pennyfarthing and a number. The villagers dress like slightly mod-ish mariners. And then there’s the Village itself – picturesque but suffused with an air of menace. It is quaint but eerie. It induces a sort of emotional dissonance that is irresistible. I was living in rural Iowa at the time and I don’t think I’m being snobby if I say it’s incredibly unlikely that anyone in my high school class – or any other – was watching it. I didn’t know it then – but it was a cult. Altered Images, XTC, and Siouxsie & the Banshees had filmed homages to it in the form of music videos – but they weren’t exactly staples of grunge-era MTV so I didn’t see them until after my visit.

It was only after making this definitive compilation, of course, that I was made aware of another early (April 1982) Prisoner hommage/music video filmed in Portmerion — The Times‘ “I Helped Patrick McGoohan Escape.” I am therefore obligated to present it here in its entirety.

I rewatch episodes pretty much every spring – although rarely all of them and never in the same order. It is not clear what order they were meant to be seen, as the original broadcast order was different from the original production order. Both are problematic from a continuity standpoint and fans have thus created their own episode orders. It’s a bit like the television equivalent of Georg Büchner’s, Woyzeck. The more often I watch it, the less I care about the plot. My mind and eyes drift around the frame to the set design, architecture, wardrobe, hair styles, and sound design. Making sense of it seems less important than letting it cast its spell.

I don’t think I ever thought that it might be filmed in an actual place until after I revisited “Twin Peaks” – another television series in which the setting plays a starring role – and discovered that the Village was, in reality, Portmerion.

It’s challenging but fun for me to attempt to articulate the appeal of places like Portmerion. It is, like so many of the best places, a themed, and thoroughly designed environment where ambiance and atmosphere are prioritized over pretty much all else – and it’s pretty much disconnected from its surroundings. It’s sort of why I’ve always liked office parks (that and because I’ve never worked in one).

There are many places like this in Los Angeles and Southern California. There is (or, in some cases, was) Alpine Village, the Americana at Brand, Chinatown Central Plaza, Chinatown West Plaza, the Grove, Heritage Square Museum, Japanese Village Plaza, Knott’s Berry Farm’s Ghost Town, Main Street, U.S.A., Mary’s Gate Village, El Mercado de Los Ángeles, Old World Village, Olvera Street, Pioneer Town, Plaza del Valle, Ports O’ Call Village, Saint Vincent’s Place, Shoreline Village, Solvang, Two Rodeo Drive, and Universal CityWalk. Angelenos love to drive to car-free places so that they can walk around.

Most are kitschy shopping centers but I’m never drawn to any of them for what they sell as much as the highly artificial, inauthentic, and kitschy ambiance. Plus – they’re pretty much all car-free spaces, which is a definite bonus.

Tourists seem to enjoy them in a completely different way – that is, the way their creators intended them to be appreciated. They give me the creeps and goosebumps and plaster an unremovable grin on my face. I assumed that a lot of the visitors to Portmerion would be the same as me, so I got up early to experience it before anyone else. I didn’t see a likeminded soul – which made it all the better. Eventually, the tourists began to crowd its cobblestone streets. I hid behind a bust of Prisoner star and creator, Patrick McGoohan.

A woman asked “who is that man?”

“Patrick McGoohan!” I piped.

A woman in a wheelchair reminisced “Ah yes! We used to watch him on Danger Man every Sunday. He was so handsome!”

I didn’t see anyone in marinières, colorful capes, mock turtlenecks, or black blazers with white piping – although it was hot as blazes. The surrounding woods were a bit cooler but if I felt like I was venturing too far, the effect of being a prisoner was spoiled – so I only went as far as the pet cemetery. There were shops, of course, so I checked them out and of course there was some Prisoner paraphernalia – but, to my disappointment – no maps – not even local maps in color and much more expensive.

If you’re a Prisoner fan, I highly recommend a visit. I wanted to stay in the village but some scheduling difficulties required a relocation to the nearby Castell Deudraeth. It’s expensive but I liked it. There’s a shuttle between the castel and Village but the walk for anyone not mobility impaired is an easy one. They have Prisoner-themed drinks (I quite liked The Prisoner Rhif 6 Cwrw Du). And do learn a bit of Welsh. People here do speak it and learning a little opens doors.👌Byddwch yn gweld chi!

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